Friday, July 1, 2011

Happy Slap-A-Moron Day!

Good morning! And welcome to the 4th annual Slap-A-Moron Day extravaganza!
Some notes for the holiday (beware the twisted use of the word "moron"):

In Preparation
Do make a list of people of people you would like to slap. Make sure to start the list with people you would most like to slap and work your way down. That way you will get to the most important ones in case you run out of time or energy for slapping.
plan to slap people who may have a huge weight in your future life or financial interest.

Proper Attire

Do wear gloves, slap bracelets, or simply have bare hands.
wear brass knuckles, armor, boxing gloves, or any other attire that may be harmful to the slapee.

During Slapping

slap the face, arms, or other gender neutral zones. It is recommended to give a slap on the hand or wrist for young children.
slap more than once. The only exceptions are if the person has a rather high level of moronicity – in which case, two slaps can be administered – or if the person avoids the first slap on purpose by running away – this automatically raises their one slap correction to two.

Proper Slapping Technique

slap open-handed, palm facing toward slapee. While facing the slapee, use one swift movement of the hand and arm to administer palm-to-face therapy.
backhand, kick, punch, bite, or use any other technique for removing moron-ness other than the approved open-handed palm therapy as described above. Surprise slap therapy will not be tolerated.

After Administering Slap Therapy

tell your “patient” why they were slapped. Encourage them by telling them that the physical pain is for their own good. Remind them that further acts of moronicity will be followed by further therapy.
slap someone and then run away like a sissy girl without explaining yourself to the slapee.

Note to the Slapee

recognize that you have the right to slap the slapper back, if in fact they have exhibiting moronic behavior as well. Recognize that the slapper is doing you a favor by administering this therapy and that it is for your own good.
simply slap the slapper back. Do not plan revenge on the slapper. Should you feel you were slapped for no reason, explain to the slapper why you feel this way. Should they have no reasonable explanation for why they slapped you, you reserve the right to slap the slapper twice in return – one time for retribution, and one time for them exhibiting moronic behavior for slapping you without proper reason.


Do have first aid available in case of any accidental injuries
slap as hard as you can in order to injure someone.

have fun. It only lasts for one day, so make every slap count!
take any of this seriously.

Make sure to check out the historic beginnings of Slap-A-Moron Day, post your slapping conquests in the comments, and try not to do anything to get slapped!

Happy Slapping!

Note to Self:
Keep in mind that you may be a "patient" for someone else, or even for yourself. Should you become aware that you have exhibited moronic behavior, give yourself a swift slap across the face to initiate your own behavioral correction.

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