Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Updating My Resume

As of yesterday, I have six applications floating out there in the job world, and I'm crossing my fingers for a phone call some time in the next few weeks.

Since I'm job hunting, I've updated my resume to include my most recent job experience, including MBA classes. But really, does a resume list your true talents? Not mine.

So I give you...

The Top Ten Reasons To Hire Me That I Can't Put On My Resume

10. Not too shabby with a camera.
9. Great scrap-booking skills.
8. Read about a book a week - all genres.
7. Pretty enough to impress your clients, but ugly enough to not intimidate your wife.
6. Can drink with the best of 'em.
5. Can bake the best cookies you've ever eaten and make a nice meal out of anything.
4. Basically have my own personal bodyguard and an obvious connection with law enforcement.
3. Good with a .38, AND I know how to clean it.
2. Can write a letter that will singe the eyebrows off the reader.
1. Southern charm mixed with West Coast snarkiness.

What inappropriate talent would you put on your resume if you could?

Note to Self: I would have put "blonde with boobs," but I think that becomes clear during the interview.


Matt said...

That I am really great at twittering.

Maki said...

Oh man, I would hire you immediately!!! Who could pass you up??? You're my favorite MJ!

Helen said...

I would have said that I'm straight up evil, but charming enough that the competition will never see it coming.

House Wife said...

I am blogging about this.... I like this topic and now thanks to you! :) I will forward it to others to do the same!! Hope you don't mind!

Crystal said...

I would put "I can find you the answer to ANYTHING on Google. Medical mystery? Give me 5 minutes. Is this movie any good? Lemme get you a review.

And I kinda love what Helen wrote ;)

Franco said...

I know what you mean.

colbymarshall said...

I would put that I am very talented at procrastination. I'm sure that's an asset in any line of work, yeah??

the Grit said...

Hi MJ,

I want to play!

10. I'm a REALLY good cook, and love doing it so I'd cater all the office parties for free.

9. I brew my own beer and wine and would be willing to share.

8. I have friends, who owe me, in most every trade and could get you some great deals on office repairs.

7. Trust me, if I'm there you won't have to worry about disgruntled employees shooting up the office. Well, unless I'm doing the shooting.

6. I write parody songs as a hobby and would be most happy to mock your business rivals in song.

5. I carry enough tools and parts in my truck to do most minor repairs on cars.

4. I know the bouncer at the hottest night club in town and can get everyone in without waiting in line.

3. I used to work for the county government and did lots of favors for high level bureaucrats who are still working there. For instance, my assessed property tax has been $1 for the last several years.

2. I've also done some favors for the county police - camp out fishing weekend at my lake complete with home brew and a whole BBQ shoulder - so when you get picked up for DUI, I can make a call and keep you out of the general population holding cell until your lawyer gets there.

1. I drove the farm tractor in to this interview, and if I don't get the job the fancy sports car in your parking space is going to have a tragic "accident."

Thanks MJ; that was fun!
the Grit

K Trainor said...

"Pretty enough to impress your clients, but ugly enough to not intimidate your wife."

I love it! Sorry to hear about your job situation, but HOO-RA on losing the fugly uniform top. On to bigger and better things, m'dear!

pure evyl said...

Excellent points for hiring you although I think that many a wife would be jealous.

kweenmama said...

I can produce a "look" that would intimidate almost anyone. My kids call it the "devil smile."

carma said...

I'm wondering if I should put "good at napping" on mine ;-) Love #7!

Stopping by from SITS to say "hi" and welcome. I know that you will enjoy being part of this vibrant community of bloggers.

carma :-)