Friday, February 6, 2009

Eavesdropping

I was chatting on the phone with the cop this morning, as we do every morning when he gets off work, and we had our usual, "normal" conversation about what went on during the night while I was fast asleep.

We have these conversations every time he gets off work, I feel like it helps him wind down. But I was thinking this morning how odd our conversations would sound to someone who happened to be eavesdropping, especially since all you would hear is my side.

"Hey honey. How was your night?
Oh, really? That's like your fifth arrest this week!
Were there drugs involved?
What do you mean a knife?
Good thing you didn't have to shoot him.
Well, he deserved a face full of cement after that!
You going home to bed?
OK, well go straight home after you turn in the crack pipe.
You making dinner or am I?
OK. See you tonight. Love you."

Or if you ever overheard me and my roommate/best friend/MOH talking, you would be just as confused. She is a social worker and generally refers to her cases as "my" mother or "my teenager," even though I have warned her against doing this is public.

"Hey, you! What's up?
Oh, your mother got caught with cocaine again?
Well, hopefully she will never get her kids back then.
The positive drug test should be good enough for the court.
What do you mean she broke into her boyfriend's house?
Wow she's psycho. I hope they put her away.
See you tonight for a movie and some Chinese?
Great! Bye."

When I take these phone calls with people around, I immediately feel the needles of a thousand stares and look around to find eyes wide and mouths agape. It's not even worth explaining, is what I usually tell myself. Even if I couldn't explain it they still wouldn't understand.

Note to Self: And as strange as these conversations should be to me, they seem so normal.

11 comments:

House Wife said...

When I was working for a doctors office it was the same way...
"Did you put it in the arm or leg?"
"Just hold him down and do it quick."
"They don't scream for long."
"Yea, sometimes they bleed alot."
Oh by the way I worked for a peds dr. so I'm sure you can only imagine... :)

colbymarshall said...

Yes, I must say when your MOH started talking about her "kids" as if they were teens I got a little nervous since she looked my age!

~alison said...

I love it! I often think about this too...my job at "the network" requires us to discuss all kinds of language, sexually suggestive terms and even down right graphic sexual terms. If the wrong person were to hear a bit of our conversation - we might be in for some sexual harassment charge. ; - )

Rachel said...

This is hilarious...gives new meaning to 2 sides to every story!!! Guess that is what people get for eavesdropping though :)

teeni said...

I love the phrase "he deserved a face full of cement after that!" Awesome. LOL.

Franco said...

this is so funny!!
love it

Sornie said...

That first conversation would even get my attention and it's hard to shock me.

Desiree said...

That was wonderful! I get them too. especially when iam at my moms...lol she is like WTH.....lol

Danielle said...

Man, I miss having those sorts of conversations! It's great to watch other people who happen to catch them, too.

Sarah Jane said...

Guilty too....

Holly said...

Margeaux-- The same thing happened to me today and I thought of this post. I was talking to DBF as he was leaving work while walking to class with a classmate, and she overheard me say "There was a fire?" "Was it a bad one?" "Did anyone die?" And so on. With each question, her eyes got bigger and I think she expected me to run the other way any second!