Wednesday, January 14, 2009

What did you just scan???

There are very few things about weddings that are interesting to men.
The bachelor party.
The beer at the reception.
The honeymoon night.

And from what I discovered - registering for gifts.
Give a man a scan gun, and he reverts to his three-year-old self - jumping around corners, scanning things behind your back, and "shooting" you with the laser.

Don't get me wrong it was fun, but as soon as the clerks were finished giving us the rundown as to how things worked, they would say their congratulations, hand him the scanner, and give me a look of pity that only a woman who has gone through this same thing could possibly give.

I had dreaded registering. The cop is not a shopper, so I tried to have the things I really wanted us to register for already in my head. This would minimize the time in the store, and therefore minimize my headache from the are-we-done-yet sighs coming from his general direction.

I was pleasantly surprised when he gave his opinion on the china I had chosen, and we ended up picking something much more "us" in the end. And I had no qualms moving from a Wedgwood design to a Kate Spade by Lenox design - especially since Kate Spade is one of my fave designers - moving from an all white pattern to a black and white stripe that we were both happy with.

We compromised on a lot of things: I chose a set of bed linens, and he chose one too. I probably wouldn't have picked what he did, but whatever makes the guy happy makes me happy. We spent about two hours in Belk's - most of it spent "trying out" pillows and making fun of the ugly stuff in the store (seriously, who would buy some of this crap???). Seeing the shopping fatigue in the poor cop's eyes, we decided to put off the rest of our registering until the next day.

Then the next day came, and we trekked out to Target. Ah, Target was pure joy and simplicity. No crazy forms to fill out, and the scanner worked much faster than the one we had the day before. But when our first stop was electronics, I knew I was in trouble.

The beep sound of the scanner was already familiar to me from the day before. A phone - practical - beep. An atomic alarm clock - perfect - beep. "Hey honey, do you think we should register for some surge suppressors and extension" beep.... I turn around to see him holding the scanner behind his back with that innocent I-definitely-did-something-bad smile. "What did you just scan?" Noooooothing....

Nothing my butt. Try a 40" LCD TV. But *sigh*, I try to pick my battles wisely, and this was not one worth fighting. And who knows, maybe he has a rich, great-aunt Gertrude that I'm unaware of, who will send this one straight to our doorstep. Or at least we will get a 10% discount once it's all over.After a restless hour of scanning more practical things, we made it to the tool aisle where he scanned a few things just for himself. And we can't forget the Heineken Beertender that he wants so badly - we registered for that too (along with the matching glasses).
Although I'm not so sure where we will put it - I can't imagine it will look so nice on the counter next to my KitchenAid mixer - but I suppose it will be a big hit at the parties we throw. Everyone loves a mini-keg.

After a few shouts to keep him from registering for industrial-sized packs of toilet paper (I realize they are essential, but not on a wedding registry. Plus, I know one of his smart-ass friends would stick a bow on a pack and show up to a shower with it...), we were finally finished. We had scanned close to 300 things over the course of the weekend - that's after I removed the 88 royal red washcloths he had accidentally scanned in.

I think everyone should get the chance to register for stuff at least once in their life. It was an experience unlike any other - The thrill of shopping for me. The enjoyment of the hunt and shoot for him. The hope that we will get most of this crap for free.

Ahhh... there is nothing better.

Note to Self: So, who's gonna send us that TV? How about the ice cream maker attachment for my KitchenAid mixer? Maybe some potholders? A spoon?


Maki said...

Oh my god, this post is so funny and cute!!!!! I wish you had picture taken with you and Mr. Cop holding the scanner.. Cute, cute, cute!!!

Matt said...

I am all the way about bachelor partys.

the Grit said...

Hi MJ,

Don't forget the rehersal dinner! My son's wedding is going to be in New Orleans, and I'm looking forward to the food.

the Grit

Danielle said...

I love the scanner! I think I'm going to register at Bed, Bath & Beyond for a housewarming party, just to play with the scanner.

teeni said...

Well, the big tv might be a stretch but you never know. And sometimes people pool together on a gift or they could get you gift cards that you can use toward something bigger. I'm glad your man joined in on the registering stuff with you - it sounds like you are setting a nice precedent of working together. :)

K Trainor said...

You honestly took a man to register for wedding gifts?


(Just kidding. Do you see me kidding? I kid.) Glad you made it into a fun time and found things you can both enjoy. Good luck with the big screen! Or at least the Heinie!

colbymarshall said...

When B went with me to register for our wedding gifts, we ended up with a lot a WEIRD things on the registry (500 pc. cookie cutter set, anyone?) simply because he just scanned everything he saw. Wow for the scanner gun.

Sarah Jane said...

The one thing my husband demanded on registering for, a playstation - and his co-workers all went in together and bought it......sigh....I guess it was only fair that he got something he really wanted too!!!The rest REALLY was for me!

MJ said...

Maki - I didn't think about that! But that would have been a perfect photo op!

Matt - Why am I not surprised with you :)

The Grit - True! Anything involving food, it seems men can get excited about...

Danielle - I think you should! In fact, I plan to steal that idea later!

Teeni - Yeah, I'll cross my fingers for it anyway, but I won't hold my breath.

K - Heh. Don't think it didn't cross my mind to do it alone lol. But he wanted to go...

CM - Yeah, I kept tight tabs on him. I was afraid we would end up with a bunch of Lego sets and knives if I didn't...

SJ - It's always a good idea to give in on a few things. Especially since all my friends will look at it and go "gee, I wonder who registered for that... duh."