Thursday, April 23, 2009

Note to Idiots

Dear homeowners,

So you want to sell your house. Well here's the thing...

Either you are going to have to update your shag carpet and replace all the brass fixtures and pink counter tops, or you are going to have to bring the price down. No offense, but white wood laminate with painted on flower is NOT a plus when trying to sell your home to someone. Neither is camouflage wallpaper.

Also, if you could please bother to hide all the extra crap you have lying around, that would be great. And if you could possibly find a way to move your entertainment center so that it is not blocking the door to the hallway, that would be nice too.

When we call ahead to say we are coming to look at your house, that does not mean you should stick around to greet us and tel us about the finer points of your house... including the lovely view of a mud hole in your backyard that you call a pond.

Please think before you price.
Much appreciated,
MJ

Note to Self:
Seriously.

10 comments:

monica said...

and also they should remember to buy a spray can of the odeur "newly baken bread", and go crazy with it just before you enter the door... (not...)

Helen said...

My BIL & his wife are having the same problems in Seattle. Mostly, though, they keep running into "condo alternatives" which are really just converted garages. And not big ones either. Good luck!

thevinylvillage said...

I recently found a site that is so relative to this post: http://www.lovelylisting.com/

One of my favorite online activities is cruising local real estate listings. I see some of the pictures and think "Does their agent just suck, or are they just not listening?"

Maki said...

Whoever wants to sell it right now, they have to lower their price down no matter what. JT and I know that, and that we won't be able to sell our condo for the price we bought, so we have to sit on it or rent it out. It sucks. But we need to find a bigger house because our daughters is getting bigger, so I guess we have to rent it out and buy a new place - it's a great time to buy a house though!

writer chick said...

LOL MJ,
Sounds like some people are stuck in the days when it was a seller's market, eh?

I don't know about where you are but out here, banks are selling houses for pennies on the dollar - anything to recoup their losses (as if the bailouts werent enough?). Maybe something like that would have better showing qualities?

Yes, the shag carpeting...lol
Annie

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

Ok, I just became an almost borderline blogger stalker. So I had stopped by to welcome you to the SITSahood! Woot woot and what not. Seriously, we are glad you joined! Then I got all caught up in all the posts I could possibly read and laughed. Which doesn't always happen. Or even happen a lot. THEN, I became even more intrigued (that's me using my thesaurus and changing the daily word from "nosey")and went over to your engagement site. Which is totally adorable! Love the diamonds ( I did diamond on the "family" blog). THEN, I even took it a step further and checked out your engagement pictures. It was then that I decided that I might want to be your BBF...bloggy best friend. I heart you!
Not the typical welcome I give out to new SITSas! We hope to see you around!

Ashley said...

I'm an Agent here in Dallas and let me tell you I feel your sentiments. The trick is the listing lingo... 'handyman special' means 'holy crap, this one's a doosy.' And 'quiant' is usually synonymous with 'your grandmothers place and it still smells funny.'

(Thus the reason our company offers Pricing Opinions to get real with homeowners and let them know what they will truly get)

The best of luck in your searches!!!

Danielle said...

If you don't have one, get an agent. That's how we found the perfect house, with the amount of renovating we were willing to do. I didn't think it was a great idea to find a realtor to buy a house, but it turned out to be a great plan. If you want the name of ours, just email me, and I'll pass on all of her info.

MJ said...

Monica - Or warm vanilla sugar *hack cough*

Helen - When my brother was in CA, he had the same issue with apartments. When they finally moved to GA, his wife was amazed how cheap and HUGE the apartments here were.

VV - I've seen that before. I especially like the listing where there is blood all over the walls. It's wonderful. Seriously, some of these realtors need to hire photographers...

Maki - Definitely a buyer's market, which is why we are looking to buy!

Writer Chick - The bank-owned propertied here are awful. People don't ove as much here, so the nice houses aren't selling.

So Not Mom-a-licious - So glad that you enjoy my blog! I hope that you will keep on coming back to see me. Welcome!

Ashley - HAHAHAHA! So true! Quaint here also means no closets.

Danielle - Already have one! I wouldn't dream of doing this alone. Thanks for the offer though!

StarFish said...

LOL... hillarious :)

Seriously, I don't understand what these people are thinking... and they are the same people that will default on their home loan claiming they have done EVERYTHING possible to sell it.