Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Dreaded Pink Tree

A few things before I start this post.

(1) I felt it was time to move on from the fish. So I got a hamster. His name is Hermes Harrington, III, but he says I can call him Fuzz. Feel free to feed him by clicking on his cage, but when you’re finished please make sure he gets back to running on his wheel. I don’t want a chubby rodent running around my blog.

(2) Fuzz and I would like to give a shout out to my lovely sister-in-law-to-be (for the sake of security, we’ll call her Hope) and her boyfriend (who we’ll pretend is a pet monkey named Bubbles who can juggle chainsaws). Apparently they have been stalking me online, and I felt it appropriate to call them out. Hey, Hope and Bubbles!

(3) As I gave a little hint to y’all a few posts ago, I am organizing a blogathon for April, during which I will stay up for a full 24 hours to raise money for a very worthy charity – Police Wives Online. I have setup a separate blog for this event, so stop by, check it out, and become a follower. And yes, I did use the word “y’all.”

So back here, I told y’all about a pancake eating session that I attended. Although very tasty and served for a good cause, these fluffy concoctions are a sign of obnoxious thing to come in my tiny town in Bumblefart, GA. For they are no ordinary pancakes…in fact, they are PINK PANCAKES OF DOOM!!!

They are a signal for about 300,000 cherry blossom trees in my poor city to start blooming, releasing a shower of pink and pollen and attracting tourists from all over the world who think it is their right to stop their minivan in the middle of the road to take a picture, at which point I shout: “It’s just a damn tree! GO HOME!”

And while my eyes enjoy the sight of the flowers and my mouth enjoys the taste of all the ridiculously fattening foods they bring with them, my sinuses scream ENOUGH! and begin a war with the rest of my head that rivals the feeling of a sucker punch to the face.

My pal Colby can attest to the frequent “abuse” of animals during this time of year, and when I was asked if my pup would be joining the Pretty in Pink animal parade, I looked directly at the woman, shouted “NO! He’s a friggin’ boy! I won’t have my boy dog dressed in pink for some sadistic parade!”, and knocked the woman over as I went sprinting to the car, Panther clutched closely to my chest. OK, so maybe it wasn’t quite that dramatic, but I do remember saying “uh, no.”

The cop has one of the prettiest yards in the area during this time of year, as he has five ginormous cherry blossom trees, so I will try to get some pictures… as long as I’m not busy yelling at tourists slowing down in front of his house.

Note to Self: Seriously, people dress in pink, dress their pooches in pink, the local Chick-fil-As serve pink ice cream and wear pink shirts… everything looks like it accidentally got washed with a red sock…

9 comments:

Sarah Jane said...

You have cherry blossoms, I have dog woods....girl, I have the same reaction....You better pray you are not in front of me at Walmart and bought the LAST box of Alavert - cause there would be a-fighting going on....

And don't ya know it is cool for boys to wear pink now??? Or was that last season?

kweenmama said...

I am so glad I don't suffer from seasonal allergies.

Can't wait to see the pics of trees in the cops yard!

Danielle said...

I don't know, I kind of like all the pink around... maybe it's because I'm a foreigner, and it's still new to me. Ask again in a couple of years!

Maki said...

Aww cherry blossoms.. They are called "Sakura" in Japanese. I love them - I grew up watching them bloom every year in spring... They must be gorgeous now...

Pink, pink, and pink... I love pink - can I join you guys next year?

ps, loving the humster but missing the fish at the same time....

monica said...

lol!! :o)) love the hamster :o)
I adore cherry blossom trees, but too much of anything can be a pain, I agree... :o) good thing it was Panther clutched to your chest and not Brendle...

CityChic said...

We have Cherry Blossoms here and I have to admit my first time seeing them bloom I was the crazy person wanting a picture under one of them. Our area celebrates for two weeks - we don't go as extreme as your town though.

the Grit said...

Hi MJ,

Give my best regards to Bubbles. Tossing chainsaws is a real talent, but not one that should be practiced too often.

As to your blogathon, you didn't show us your tits last year and, thus, I'm not going to be sucked into your evil scheme this time. Besides, my son is getting married soon and I'm busy trying to figure out what I am and am not supposed to do, and when. It's most confusing.

the Grit

colbymarshall said...

Don't forget the fact that everyone puts pink bows on their mailboxes...it looks like everyone in our town just brough home baby girls from the hospital!

MJ said...

Sarah Jane - I stick to my prescription goodies, Allegra and Astelin. And I think that it's still in for guys to wear pink, but that doesn't make it any less stupid looking.

Kweenmama - I'm putting them up tomorrow!

Danielle - Yeah, you'll start to hate it eventually. I've lived here for almost 17 years now, so I detest it.

Maki - They are very pretty, but are hell for my nose. Come on down! By next year, I will hopefully have a guest room you could use :)

Monica - I'm not sure I could pick up Brendle, as he is about 3/4 of my size.

CityChic - I think we are the only town that has its own festival for them.

TheGrit - Good luck with all that wedding mess. I hope you will give me a chance to impress you with my blogathoning skills this year now that I have had some experience at it.

Colby - For sure. I always wonder what people who drive through think if they don't know about our festival. "Don't drink the water" I guess.