Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Who's Your Daddy? Government Edition

Make sure you check out my last Who's Your Daddy? post.

[Note: Let me make clear, after a few concerns over yesterday's post, I DO NOT advocate beating your child. There is smacking your toddler on the wrist enough to embarrass them and avert them from behavior, and then there is beating your child. They are two entirely different things. Spanking a child does not mean beating them with a stick or whipping them with a belt or using any body part other than an open palm on the well-padded parts of your child's body.]

With the additional experiences of the cop in my life, I hear about a lot of parents who want the government to do child punishing for them. He has been called on numerous occasions to the same house because this woman's son wouldn't eat his vegetables/splashed water on the floor of the bathroom/back-sassed her. Eventually, he took the kid into another room and told him to quit effing around, and that he didn't want to have to come back for another stupid call. Then he told the mom to basically grow some hoo-has and discipline her own child instead of calling him to.

Or how about my teacher friend who calls parents on a regular basis about their child's failing grades to get a parent who could care less. "Ain't it yo' job to make sure dey do good?" Umm.. not if they don't do the assignments, or if all they do is text in class, or if they're busy selling cocaine to their classmates (seriously).

There is no more room in the system for bad kids! Even a child who has beaten his mother is turned away by the over-burdened YDC because his offense "isn't bad enough." And even if he were placed in YDC, he would then have something to brag about to his new thug YDC friends over their games on Playstation 3 and XBOX 360 (which I found out they had about the time me and the cop were trying to decide if we could even afford to get one). Our lovely state is giving these shit-heads reasons to want to be arrested. I mean, who as a kid wouldn't love to make new miscreant friends, get to skip school, and play video games all day? Sheesh!

"Don't spank your kid, and you too can have a child that kicks ass at Halo 3!"

Haven't these people ever heard of the difference between reward and punishment? Operant conditioning anyone??? Take a friggin' intro to Psych class, morons!

There are too many back-rubbers and hand-patters out there thinking that being nice to kids will make the kids be nice. WRONG. WRONG. YOU ARE SO EFFING WRONG. That only works with kids who don't already have major behavioral problems. A wonderfully loving home environment only works for kids who already have a respect for their parents. What already problematic kids need is something that will make them want to stay out of trouble. Give them some hard labor, some real community service. Let them dig ditches - which reminds me about the punishment I never gave for the cemetery vandals. I think they should have to dig graves for the cemetery until their labor amounts to the money needed to pay to have the stones fixed or replaced.

Whatever happened to boot camps? How about if little Billy refuses to stay in school or decides he wants to hit people - he can go to military school! You think you're a thug now little Billy? Just wait until we throw you into the army after your graduation and people are shooting at your ass! WHO'S A THUG NOW???

I understand that every kid gets into some trouble now and then. I did my fair share of saying I was one place, when I was at another - going to a party when I said I was going to a movie - staying at a boy's house when I said I was sleeping over at a friend's. But I never hit my mother or assaulted someone. I never pointed a gun at someone's face. I never stole a bunch of stuff or truly vandalized anything. There are so many harmless things to do! Teepee your friends yard for fun! Or if you really hate someone just do the burning-bag-of-poo-doorbell-ditch thing! Make prank phone calls! Go cow-tipping! (Never done it, but I hear it's a hoot!) For heaven's sake, even smoking weed will keep you out of trouble!

Note to Self: If the world were run by me, people who could not control their children would lose them. Then they would be sterilized. And the children would be sent to a remote island in the Pacific to kill each other.


mJ said...

I'm mean to my kids. Most the time. Because the only way they'll be decent teenagers, which we all know is actually the gateway to parental hell, is to be mean enough to them when they're little that they know where you stand.

I'm a firm believer in healthy doses of respect mixed with a drop or two of fear.

MJ said...

mj (not to be confused with me) - I agree. Respect is the big deal here.

colbymarshall said...

I saw some really great parenting in Walmart the other day...the woman said, "No High School Musical or Hannah Montana! Now let's GO!" I was like, YEEEESSS!!!

MJ said...

CM - Did you break out your scary cackle in the middle of the store? MWAHAHAHAHA! :)

Anonymous said...

My ADD does not allow me to read this entire blog post. As well intentioned as I may be, I can not continue deluding myself otherwise. So, on to another topic. What are you Georgians doing to piss off Russia so much?

Anonymous said...

P.S. Is MJ talking to herself in her comments as well as out loud? Okay, the whole Russia thing is beginning to make more sense now.

MJ said...

Livin - I don't know! Russia came over here screaming something about wanting banjos, peaches, cotton, and Coca-Cola. When we refused to give it to them, they called us "racist" and left.

See now I knew that would be confusing... mJ is not to be confused with me MJ, although mJ is very talented like me, MJ. :D

Peter Parkour said...

It's hard to raise thick skulled kids now days, because almost all of the parents rights have been banned from practice. What's a parent to do? You try to do the right thing and the kids end up calling 911 and you end up in jail and/or having your kids taken away. What's up with that???

teeni said...

Man, I hate when the two mj's talk to each other in the comments area. I mean, I love your comments and all, but I have to hold my mouse over your names to see who is who. LOL. Anyway, if that is how you would run the world then I nominate you for ruler of the world. I like your thinking.

MJ said...

PP - I actually had a coworker whose kid called the cops on her for spanking him (he was 14, and she was at the end of her rope). The sheriff deputy came out, questioned the kid about it, and asked him "Did you deserve it?" When the kid just sat there, the cop said, "Well, then don't do it again shithead and she won't have to smack you." LOL. Cops generally don't take lightly to people back-sassin' their mommas.

Teeni - I know, it is a bit confusing. I'm the one with the pic of the cute puppy. So that's one nomination, do I hear a second?

Aubrey said...

MJ, dear, if you do have kids at some point, I think you'll be a fantastic mom.
And I agree with what the other MJ said about healthy respect mixed with a bit of fear. That's what I felt for my parents and I hope that's what Cee feels for me.