Note to Idiots

There was a great story on my local newspaper's website yesterday that was passed on to me by my future mother-in-law.

The title is "Man accused of driving drunk drives car into hotel pool".

Okay lets go over that again... "Man ACCUSED of driving drunk drives car into hotel pool".

Is it really considered an accusation when it should be common knowledge?

It's like saying, "Weeeeell, I may or may not have been drunk when I fell face flat onto the pavement after three shots of tequila and a straight vodka martini." I'm pretty sure you could assume drunkenness is to blame for your broken nose, and I'm pretty sure this idiot was drunk when he drove through a concrete wall and into a pool.

So on to my note:

Dear idiot who drinks and drives,
I'm pretty sure you should know that you are not fit to drive when you cannot tell whose car tire you are pissing on in the dark, and then you manage to stab yourself in the leg at least twelve times with your car keys before you can find the ignition hole of your Tahoe.

I want to tell you that next time you decide to drive drunk, please do it on a motorcycle or moped so as not to pose as much of a threat to other drivers like you did when you were driving your tank of an SUV. I'm glad you didn't kill anyone, but I'm sure you didn't learn your lesson. My cop will be seeing you soon.

Cheers,
MJ

Note to Self: When the cop's mom sent me this, she had commented on the article: "Is this some new form of carpooling?" So cheesy, but I nearly peed my pants when I read that!