Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Rules and Regulations for Slap A Moron Day

To quell any confusion about who and how you can slap on our newest holiday, I give you:In Preparation
Do make a list of people prior to the event of people you would like to slap. Make sure to start the list with people you would most like to slap and work your way down. That way you will get to the most important ones in case you run out of time or energy for slapping.
Don’t
plan to slap people who may have a huge weight in your future life or financial interest.


Proper Attire

Do wear gloves, slap bracelets, or simply have bare hands.
Don’t
wear brass knuckles, armor, boxing gloves, or any other attire that may be harmful to the slapee.


During Slapping

Do
slap the face, arms, or other gender neutral zones. It is recommended to give a slap on the hand or wrist for young children.
Don’t
slap more than once. The only exceptions are if the person has a rather high level of moronicity – in which case, two slaps can be administered – or if the person avoids the first slap on purpose by running away – this automatically raises their one slap correction to two.

Proper Slapping Technique

Do
slap open-handed, palm facing toward slapee. While facing the slapee, use one swift movement of the hand and arm to administer palm-to-face therapy.
Don’t
backhand, kick, punch, bite, or use any other technique for removing moron-ness other than the approved open-handed palm therapy as described above. Suprise slap therapy will not be tolerated.

After Administering Slap Therapy

Do
tell your “patient” why they were slapped. Encourage them by telling them that the physical pain is for their own good. Remind them that further acts of moronity will be followed by further therapy.
Don’t
slap someone and then run away like a sissy girl without explaining yourself to the slapee.

Note to the Slapee

Do
recognize that you have the right to slap the slapper back, if in fact they have exhibiting moronic behavior as well. Recognize that the slapper is doing you a favor by administering this therapy and that it is for your own good.
Don’t
simply slap the slapper back. Do not plan revenge on the slapper. Should you feel you were slapped for no reason, explain to the slapper why you feel this way. Should they have no reasonable explanation for why they slapped you, you reserve the right to slap the slapper twice in return – one time for retribution, and one time for them exhibiting moronic behavior for slapping you without proper reason.

Other

Do have first aid available in case of any accidental injuries
Don't
slap as hard as you can in order to injure someone.


Do
have fun. It only lasts for one day, so make every slap count!
Don’t
take any of this seriously.

Note to Self:
Keep in mind that you may be a "patient" for someone else, or even for yourself. Should you become aware that you have exhibited moronic behavior, give yourself a swift slap across the face to initiate your own behavioral correction.

Asking yourself, "What in the world is Slap A Moron Day?" check out the initiation of the holiday and read the FAQs. The date is quickly approaching - July 1st, 2008 - so join in on the fun! Guide to Moronic Value coming soon!

5 comments:

colbymarshall said...

excitement of this day is mounting- who will it be? (rubs hands together)

K Trainor said...

"moronicity" *snort!* Oh I am so excited about this day--count me in!

livininsanity said...

FYI, when you invent new holidays or holimonths, you need to repeatedly mention the specific date(s) (July 1), as you failed to do in this post.

pure evyl said...

You have come up with an excellent set of guidelines. I will follow them to the letter.

MJ said...

CM - I have an idea who it might be.

K - Sweet!

Livin - Good point. I will put something in the sidebar soon as a permanent reminder of the holiday.

Evyl - Sweeeeeet.