Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Necessary Violence

Because I'm feeling a little more violent today than usual, and because I haven't slapped anyone in a while, and because I haven't written a top ten in a while, I give you:

The Top 10 Reasons to Slap Someone
**image from slapmedia.net**

(10) They drive a large SUV and proceed to run me over in the lane beside them. I honk. They continue anyway. Then I see they are on their cell phone. *SMACK*
(9) They own two Expeditions, a boat, and a diesel truck. Yet, they complain about gas prices. *CRASH*
(8) They don't know the difference between their, there, and they're. (Although I have been know to screw this up on occasion, some people mess it up every time.) *BLAM*
(7) They hate cops, because they get pulled over for speeding all the time. *PISTOL WHIP*
(6) They complain about being fat, then continue to shove Doritos in their mouth. *KICK*
(5) They obsess about you not cluttering their workspace, but their home is a pig sty. *WHOMP*
(4) They continue to put more money in a vending machine, even though the machine keeps eating it. *PUNCH*
(3) They chew with their mouth open. What, are you four??? *SLAM*
(2) They talk as loud as possible on their cell phone, so everyone can hear their conversation. *SHOVE*

And the #1 reason to slap someone....
(1) They vote "Eh..." on my side poll. *PIMP SLAP*

Note to Self: So, what makes you want to slap someone?

5 comments:

Sornie said...

#6 has some validity as my wife's rotund friend managed to actually bend one of our wrought iron patio chairs last summer. Needless to say, her diet in her apartment filled with family sized bags of chips didn't accomplish much.

HeyJoe said...

Amen.

WAY too many to mention, but a few:

People who don't use their turn signals

Anyone with spinners on their car

Anyone wearing their pants half way around their ass. (See above)

People at warehouse stores clogging the aisle with their fat ass waiting for a free sample while I'm trying to shop.

People who act as though they’re the only one who matters.

God I’m pissed off now.

Found you on my site via VE. Thanks for stopping by.

K Trainor said...

{stands and applauds} I love they different types of punishments, too. *SMACK* *BLAM* *PISTOL WHIP*
If I may--feel free to add *DROP KICK*,*PUNT* and *RUN OVER WITH AFOREMENTIONED SUV*

colbymarshall said...

Here's my own list of a few things:
1) Anyone who talks throughout the movie- HIT IN HEAD WITH BUCKET OF POPCORN
2.) People who swear Harry Potter is evil...who have never read the books- SMACK IN BACK OF HEAD WITH HP AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
3.) People who believe that anything they read in a chain e-mail is true without researching the facts- CRASH COMPUTER ON HEAD

MJ said...

Sornie - You should give her the bent chair as a gift. Tell her it's so she can remember how "great" she is.

Heyjoe - Welcome. I agree with all of yours. I especially enjoy seeing spinners that are so cheap they barely work, or spinners that are worth more than the car they adorn. Priceless. Thanks for stopping in.

K - *takes a bow* I like punt, but I usually reserve that action for small, obnoxious children.

CM - Oooo, and people who not only talk through a movie, but they talk on their cell phone. Or they text the whole time and their Crackberry blinds me! And I especially hate the email thing. Snopes.com people!!!!!