Friday, May 30, 2008

Note to Lost Memories

Dear Past,

I’m so sorry to say that I don’t really miss you these days.

At the best times in our relationship, oh how I wished it would never end, but now I can safely say that I am happy without you. I have finally forgiven you for the family that you tore apart, for the loves that you ripped away, and for the friends that you stole from my arms. You managed to place great distances between me and those I cherished.

I no longer remember those warm feelings of friendship now long forgotten. I no longer feel the sweet touch of those who were so devoted to me. I can’t recall favorite movies or deliriously hot summers. Beach trips and parties are only fading photos to me now.

I simply can’t hate you for all the awful things, because those things are long forgotten too. I don’t remember why we fought, or why I was late. I no longer feel the hurt that I know was once there. I no longer hate you for not being there when I needed you most. I don’t blame you anymore for not fighting for me. The spitefulness, vengefulness, pettiness – all have disappeared.

Oh, I admit, the best of you is still ingrained in me. The songs of my mother before bed. The smell of my grandmother’s biscuits. The texture of wet clay in my hands. The fear of stepping on an airplane. The smell of developing film in a dark room. The hugs from my uncle before God took him. The taste of my first beer. The adrenaline of dancing in front of an audience. The joy of my first love. The security of knowing a true confidant. The clean of baptism.

And I have to give you some thanks for making me into the person I am today. Without you, I don't think I would be this strong or successful. I wouldn't have met the wonderful people I have met or pursued the things that make me so happy now.

But no. I can’t say that I miss you much. It is fun to visit you now and then, but part of forgiving is forgetting I suppose.

All that I have left now is the love and anticipation of my future. I can see it already.

So for now, dear Past, goodbye. It was fun while it lasted.

Best wishes,
MJ

9 comments:

veronicaromm said...

This is a great exercise and feels very cathartic. Interesting and moving.

MJ said...

Writing is easiest when you just tell the truth.

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

SarahM said...

nice.
Although i tend to keep those bitter memories, to remind me not to do stupid things again.
(that never works)

K Trainor said...

Well done.

Sornie said...

Very well written post. Memories of all sorts are powerful but I can understand wanting to forget some.

MJ said...

*blushing* Thanks to all.

Laurel Anne said...

I LOVED what you did here. Great writing..and so very real and heartfelt.

Would you mind terribly if I stole the concept for my blog?

God knows, for me to fully say goodby e to my past, I'd be writing until Christmas.......of 2012.

Seriously, great job!

LK

MJ said...

LK - Of course I wouldn't mind!
I have always felt my place in the blogosphere was to report and inspire. I'd be happy to be your muse. When you finish, post the link here. I'd love to see it.

colbymarshall said...

I try not to think about the past if I can help it- something akin to brain freeze.