Thursday, April 16, 2009

A Good First Impression

Huzzah! I found a job!

It's not much - a sales associate job at a retail store down the road - but it's a job! That means I get paid! Woo! (Can you tell I have low expectations?)
But seriously, I am looking forward to this. I really like the manager, and it was serendipity how I got the job (OK, ok - I can totally feels God's hand in it... and thank goodness for small towns!), and I am a freak about clothes, so this job just makes all kinds of sense to me.

Anywho, I start my training this afternoon. So today I thought I would give you some tips on how to make a good impression on your first day of work. I give you:

The Top Ten Things To Do At A New Job

10. Definitely wear your lucky rocket-ship underpants. Show them to everyone.
9. Regale customers with your version of "The Sound of Music". Give three encore performances regardless of whether people clap or not. In fact, keep a recording of cheering and clapping in your pocket to play when you're finished.
8. Show off your awesome vocabulary skills by carrying around a thesaurus and replacing everyday words with more complicated ones. Or by speaking in another language.
7. Look important by keeping your Bluetooth in your ear. When someone starts to talk to you, point at your ear and roll your eyes as if they were being rude.
6. Show your manager how hard-working you are by rearranging all the merchandise into alphabetical order. Accessories, camisoles, capris, cardigans, handbags...
5. Tell your coworkers about your awesome hobbies, like outrunning the cops and winning drinking contests.
4. Answer the phone by saying "Thanks for calling ___! What the hell do you want?"
3. To build comraderie, play practical jokes on coworkers. When they find the live snake under the stack of underwear, jump out and yell "haha, gotcha!" Make sure you have an antidote on hand in case they are bitten.
2. Gather for a group photo on your first day. Force everyone to wear matching outfits for it. Skirts. And scrunchies. Even the guys.
1. End your shift with, "See you tomorrow bitches!" as loud as possible. Across the entire store. Mean for customers to here it too. You want them to feel included too.

Stick to these, and you will definitely make an impression. I give no guarantees that you'll keep your job though...

Note to Self: Whew! So I was unemployed for a whole week and a half. It felt like forever though - seriously.


DEL said...

Congrats! A job is a job and who knows what doors it can open up.

Cammie said...

Stopping by to welcome you to the SITSstahood!!

Anonymous said...

From PWO to here, hello!
Congratulations on the job and wishing you a great day at training! Knock 'em dead!

Anonymous said...

how lucky you are!!

I hope you enjoy the new gig!

AP said...

whata great list, like the blue tooth tip!! HA!!
congrats on the job and welcome to SITS

Dorkys Ramos said...

Hahaha! And congrats! Knock their socks off and then make them wear new ones from the store.

Sarah Jane said...

YEA!!!! Good for you !!!!

originalrager said...

hilarious as usual! how fortunate you where able to find work so quickly...I'm going on week 8 and I'm about to lose my mind!

Anyway! loved the post...I'm gonna print the list and stick it in my job search file and pull it out and laugh when the search gets me down!

MJ said...

DEL - Exactly. As long as I get paid, I'm happy.

Cammie - Thanks!

Ashley - Welcome fellow PW! Thanks for stopping by.

TVV - I know right? It's like I found the one open job int he city!

AP - Thanks for dropping in!

DR - *chuckle*


OR - Hang in there! You'll find something. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Congrats on finding a new job! And I totally love the tip about playing practical jokes on your coworkers...right up my alley!

pure evyl said...

Congrats on finding a job. Hopefully all the bitches will be glad to see you back tomorrow.

teeni said...

Congratulations on your new job! I wasn't really worried though - I figured anyone should be happy to hire such an intelligent young woman.