Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Can I at least skip the teen years?

A little thing you don't know about me - I really don't feel the call to have children. No really. I know at some point in my future life, I may awake to find the call of nature and my internal clock ticking, forcing me to go crazy and feel the need to conceive. But at this point in time I don't feel it. But you know what I do feel?

The overwhelming need to be a grandmother.

Seriously, I know that one has to come before the other, but if I could skip straight to being a granny, I would. And for the sake of time, I'm going to hop right into....

The Top 10 Reasons Being a Grandmother is Awesome

10. You get to completely corrupt kids that aren't yours.
9. You get to spoil kids that aren't yours.
8. You get to make some kids happy by filling them full of sugar and then send them home to their parents. Muahaha!
7. You can teach them things about their parents that they never knew (and that their parent didn't want them to know).
6. You get to use the kids as a captive audience for your "Well in my day..." rants.
5. The kids can watch inappropriate television, because you refuse to miss "your stories" in the afternoon.
4. You get to shower them with gifts and junk food, so that they will always like you more than their parents.
3. You can show pictures of your grandchildren to unsuspecting victims at the grocery store in order to piss of patrons behind you.
2. You can get away with farting really loud and pretending that it didn't happen.

and the number one awesome reason to be a g-ma:
1. It is totally acceptable to pay in pennies and drive super-slow when you're a grandma.

I can't wait!

Note to Self: Plus you have that whole song by Adam Sandler dedicated to you - Respect to the grandma.


Janelle said...

That's weird, did my mom send you an email or something?! LOL! My mom loves being a grandma for a lot of those reasons. Especially that my rules don't exist in her house. For instance, if my kids are grounded from tv, they aren't at her house. Grandparents are awesome though, they are, in a strange way, cooler than your own parents.

writer chick said...

Hey MJ,
You may be able to pull off honorary auntie - most of those items on your list are also granted to honorary aunties and because you are generally close friends with the parents, they can't really get after you about things. As to the farting issue - yeah, you'd have to be really old. LOL.

Sornie said...

I think you'd make an excellent senile grandma. Yelling at random people, swearing at small children and having a large jar of hard candy that is stuck together in one giant mass.

Stephanie Faris said... live-in boyfriend has a 9-year-old daughter so I will probably get the joy of being a grandma without ever having to be a full-time parent. It especially would have happened if I'd met him 10 years from now, AFTER she passed the teenage years!

colbymarshall said...

I'm not in any rush for either children or grandchildren. I think I'll enjoy being old, but I don't feel the need for it yet!

Lucy said...

It's very true that being a grandparent is more fun than being a parent. Reasons obvious but I feel so differently with my grandkids than the *real* ones. They fortunately laugh when I tell them that.

MJ said...

Janelle - LOL. Heck yes, they are definitely cooler than your own parents.

WC - Oh, honey, I am an auntie, and I spoil my nephew every chance I get!

Sornie - HECK YES.

Stephanie - That's awesome! Yeah, here's hoping you can get pass those teen years!

CM - I think you will definitely make a great old person... imparting your wisdom on all the young whipper-snappers...

Lucy - LOL. I can only imagine.

originalrager said...

grandchildren are your reward for not killing your teenagers! lol

I saw a sign somewhere that said grandparents and grandchildren get along so well cuz they share a common enemy.

My baby is 17. I wish he would get over the teen thing like yesterday!

I've been feeling the "granny" call for a few years, I feel your pain!