Friday, February 27, 2009

Some Services Shouldn't Be Fast

I went to the dentist yesterday - the same dentist's office that I have been going to since I was seven years old - and I had the absolute worst experience EVER.

I walked in, signed in, and sat down in the waiting room with three other people. I was the first appointment of the day, and I expected to be taken back pretty quickly, since I showed up right on time. I was greeted at the door by some hyper, young twinky, instead of the usual lady, Mrs. Betty, who has been working there since the dinosaurs roamed the earth. I assumed it must be her day off, and I moved on to a cushy chair. I had the pleasure of sitting and listening to some old guy ramble on about how awful our city is these days and how crime has gotten worse because of the economy. And then the middle-aged woman sitting next to him put in her two cents by announcing that she thought that the root of the problem was taking prayer and discipline out of schools. And then some liberal-ass, college-aged kid in a polo shirt and loafers inserted that he thought the main problem with our town is that "the cops here are too worried about messing with innocent people."

Until this time, I had been quietly keeping my head down, writing checks out for my bills, and just enjoying the naivety of small town life. When I heard this, I looked up at this curly-haired kid in khakis and gave him the worst EAT SHIT look he's probably ever seen, and I said "You know, I think the REAL problem is that some people's mommas just didn't slap them enough as children." I didn't have to say another word, and the kid just stared at me in amazement, until I was (thankfully) called away.

I was greeted by... wait.... where's Emily!? You're not Emily! Who the heck are you?? *sigh* This was not my wonderful, talented, witty, conversational, kind Emily that I had known for years and who knew my life story. This was some girl named Teresa who read in her notes that I worked somewhere and was getting some degree. Great. I was truly looking forward to announcing my engagement to my favorite dental hygienist, but instead got some lady who could care less. She just said "You still getting that degree and working at that place?" Um, yeah. No other questions. No, "Hey, anything new?" No foreplay. She just went straight to poking and prodding while using my forehead as her personal armrest. I swear there was more water on my face and neck than what made it into my mouth, and she seemed to have a talent for managing to rub my spit all over my chin and cheeks. Emily would usually let me hold the little sucker thing and use it when I need it. Teresa was like the sucker Nazi. She rationed the use of it to only when I was about to drown in my own drool. She wouldn't allow me to hold it, and instead opted to lay it on my chest that she was currently using as her instrument table. I seriously thought about grabbing the thing and attacking her with it.

She worked so quickly, I was sure I would end up with a blood-filled mouth from her scraping my gums to death. Then came the polish - she didn't even bother to ask me what flavor I wanted. I know in her stupid notes it probably has that I like mint, but she could at least ask anyway! Then she starts to sit me up for the dentist to come check on me, when I realized she had forgotten to even floss my teeth! Praise Jeebus! I didn't remind her because my gums had gone through enough abuse already, and I was hoping to avoid it. But, alas, she remembered at the last moment, whipped out the floss, and shoddily ran it through some of my teeth - missing the entire bottom left side.

Finally the dentist came in, and I sighed in relief when he gave me an A-OK. I got my free toothbrush and floss and high-tailed it out of that place! What a nightmare!

Note to Self: In this note, the name Teresa is to be read with the utmost sarcasm and contempt, along with a roll of the eyes for good measure.

9 comments:

nicedaydesigns said...

Oh no that sounds awful. And it makes me think with impending dread that I must go to the dentist, I need a filling, but I hate going. So much pain, and that chair terrifies me, I always think I'm gonna slide off it backwards.

Matt said...

oh god, how I hate the dentist...

I can totaly relate.

teeni said...

Wow. Of course, I never enjoy the dentist's office anyway. How do you know if you really have a good one or if they are just making money off you? ;) Maybe the kid deserved what you said in the waiting room - who knows? But on the other hand, there are plenty of crooked cops in this world too. If only we could duplicate more of YOURS, we'd be better off!

Sarah Jane said...

I am so sorry...and working in the dental industry - I have my favorite hygentist too.
She is a wife of a Former LEO - who is now our congressmen...she fills me in, I keep her filled in on the local stuff....

Bummer - ask for a new girl OR ask where Emily went.

And the kid - he's lucky you didn't smack him for real....

kweenmama said...

I'm glad I don't know any Teresas, otherwise I would now seriously have a problem with their name.:-)

I once had a dentist drop part of his drill on the back of my throat...and I swallowed it. The look of panic on his face was priceless!

P.s. I have been too busy to answer your comment on my blog about Moab...hopefully soon. My husband would do a better job of it. Maybe I'll get his help.

Danielle said...

*shudders* I used to have such severe dental anxiety that I cried when I got my teeth cleaned... we're talking, like, two years ago, not just when I was a kid. Luckily, I found a great dentist and hygenist, and I haven't cried at my last two visits... but this would have had me bawling again! Yeesh... some people really shouldn't be in any sort of service industry.

colbymarshall said...

My apologies, but I had to stop reading this post. Just reading abuot the dentist is enough to make me want to crawl under covers and hide. But, I hope you're having a good weekend so far. MUAH!

the Grit said...

Hi MJ,

Be thankful. My dentist, after going through a year of awful marital trouble during which I was sure he would accidentally yank out one of my teeth while getting angry while telling me how evil his wife was, hooked up with his young dental assistant and became a born again Christian. Now I can look forward to half an hour of religious music and long rambling lectures that somehow manage to tie good oral hygiene with getting into Heaven.

the Grit

thevinylvillage said...

I can SOOO relate to being sandwiched between the idiot kid and the lady laboring under the delusion that you can't pray in school.

I was sitting next to some old couple last week at the doctors office...she was moaning about "I didnt get a stimulus package when the mill layed me off" I mean, I understand her point maybe...but her losing her job wasnt a matter of national crisis..so her apples and oranges comparison grated on my nerves.

Not to be outdone, another patient chimes in with the opinion that our state is in its current economic crisis because of "tax breaks given to big business".

By the time the doc saw me, I was ready to vote Green Party or something.