Thursday, January 29, 2009

Note to Idiot

Dear burglar,

Not only did you break into the convenience store once, only managing to get away with about 90 cents in change and two packs of cigarettes, but you were retarded enough to go back. My cop happened to drive by and see your car sitting there, and noticed you went in where you had before. He stood there, gun drawn, waiting for you to come out of the A/C duct. When you heard the other cops coming, what made you think it would be a good idea to run the other way in the duct?

Then there you were. Dangling. Upside-down. Rubbing against all that insulation. Caught in the A/C duct. Did you feel bad-ass when the fire department had to cut you out? How about when you were so tired from hanging there that the cops had to carry you down from the roof? How about when you had to walk through the jail with my cop's pink handcuffs that he acquired for just such an occasion?

Now your picture is on the newspaper's website, your neighbors are leaving comments on the forums about how much they hate you, and your story is being submitted to dumb-crook news.

Thanks for giving the department more reason to make my cop Officer of the Month again.

Love and itch cream,

Note to Self: Oh, yes. The cop did get Officer of the Month for December. Did I mention that?


Matt said...

Congrats to your man!

Anonymous said...


ok thats awesome.

Lucy said...

I'm still mad that some *sob* broke into my house and robbed everything he could find. And that was in 1994. How dare anybody think they can steal somebody elses 'stuff'. I actually do understand that thinking. As I was telling the cop at that time why didn't the jerk get a job like everybody else, he said....This is his job. That didn't help.

I found your blog from somewhere in cyberspace and I really it. So hope you don't mind if I come back again. :)

Dorkys Ramos said...

Wow. The stupidity of some people. And pink handcuffs?! Congrats to your cop :)

Anonymous said...

That was just awesome! Im completely busting up over here!!!

YAY for your cop getting Cop of the Month!!!

the Grit said...

Hi MJ,

Gee. What a shame that they didn't make a little slip with the jaws of life. Oh well, maybe next time.

the Grit

pure evyl said...

Dumb crooks are great job security.

MJ said...

Matt - Thanks! I'm very proud.

VV - I know!

Lucy - Bummer about the break-in. It is sad that some people actually make a living off of screwing other people... and I'm not just talking about Wall Street. *ba-duh-bum* : )

DR - Yeah, his mom gave them to him for Christmas. Apparently the company makes them in all colors, but pink has been the most demanded because of the embarrassment factor. Go figure.

Desiree - Yeah, I nearly wet myself when I heard about it! Thanks!

Grit - Seriously. At least enough of a slip to keep him from procreating...

PE - No kidding.

The crazy Shaw Family said...

Niiiiice! congrats to "da man" he rocks!
Love the pink cuffs too!

Sarah Jane said...

Oh now THIS made my word....FIBERGLASS....oh MIJ you have to post a link to the newstory, you can't leave your readers hanging like this!!!

The pink handcuffs....must post a link to that too!!! Hubbs would like those as well!