Wednesday, December 31, 2008

3...2...1.... Happy National Hangover Day!

Well, here we are at New Year’s Eve – a night of food, fun, friends, and total drunkenness – probably the most fun and exciting night of the whole year for police officers. Seriously, don’t you love messing with your friends when they’re really drunk? Well what if you have like 50 drunken friends, and actually, they aren't your friends! They're complete strangers, so you won't feel bad about messing with them! How awesome would that be!?

Anywho… with the New Year cometh a load of responsibilities. You have to make new goals that you won’t accomplish. You have to vow to lose weight, when you know you won’t. You have to resolve to be a better person, although you will continue to get upset with the cashier at Wendy’s when your Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger has tomatoes on it when you specifically asked for NO TOMATOES, DAMMIT.

So, why don’t we all try to be a little more realistic in 2009 and pick some resolutions that we know we can follow through with. With that, I give you:

The Top 10 Attainable New Year’s Resolutions

10. Do something nice for someone, sometime during the year. Keep in mind the person could be you. You found a pair of Gucci sunglasses you would just love to have? Buy them, and tada! cross that resolution of your list.
9. Eat chocolate cake at least once during the year. I know this is a tough goal, but I have faith in you.
8. Don’t maniacally plot the death of your neighbor. No matter how much his dog craps in your yard.
7. Try not to go crazy. Hey, I said try.
6. Don’t slap strangers. No matter how much they deserve it.
5. Watch some television. Avoid Real World: Brooklyn.
4. Try to not get fired from your job if you have one. Again, try.
3. Laugh a little bit.
2. Cry a little bit. (Go see Marley & Me, that’ll do the trick.)
1. Don’t die. That’s a pretty big one.

My real New Year’s resolutions are thus:
1. Get married.
2. Graduate with my MBA.
3. Save for a house.
4. Be generally nicer to people.
5. Get in some kind of decent shape.

Ugh. That sounds ridiculously unattainable now that I look at it. Well, one day at a time, I suppose. Besides, next year is supposed to be MY year, being the Chinese year of the ox and all. Can I get a "hells yeeeah!" from all my other ox homies?! Woo woo!

Note to Self: Farewell, blog readers! See you next year! Yeah, I know. Dumb joke.


Rachel said...

Interesting list.

I hope you have a great new Year!

Anonymous said...

Those sound like resolutions I could keep.

Hope you have a great time tonight and a fantastic 2009!

colbymarshall said...

Happy New Year, love! I will try not to die. I hope I keep that one, lol :-)

pure evyl said...

Have a great '09. #4 of the real resolutions would be damn tough for me. I was born in the year of the snake. Go figger.

VE said...

My resolution is to live forever. So far so good...

teeni said...

LOL. About the joke resolutions, I think that achieving number 6 will help you to achieve number 1. You never know when those strangers are packing heat and most of them don't like being slapped, I would think. ;)

About the real ones: I wonder about number 4 - you seem to be a pretty nice person so are you just trying to be even nicer or are you really evil and we just can't see that? ;)

Hugs to you, MJ! Thanks for the great posts and the blog friendship in 2008. Here's to more fun in 2009!