Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Whitewater DEATH

As some of you found out in the comments, I am deathly afraid of whitewater rafting. I've never done it, I just don't like the idea of it.

I have a severe fear of drowning.


I don't like being picked up in the pool, although I do like swimming. Some people like to horseplay in the pool, get thrown in or dunked under. Not me. You're liable to come back short an appendage if you try to do that with me. The only person who can get away with it is the cop, but he has learned after multiple injuries to his arms and back that he has to be careful about it.

I don't like water parks much either. Water slides give me the heebie-jeebies. Plus there is always the thought that the fat guy that comes down behind me is going to catch up to me and land on top of me at the bottom and, well, drown me with his fat ass. Gimme a good ride on the lazy river. [Note: that shadow is the shadow of my impending doom...]



But whitewater rafting is the scariest to me of all. All that rushing water. A bunch of people in a rubber inflatable boat with you. Sharp rocks. That just can't be safe. They make you wear helmets... IN THE WATER. If it's so dang safe, why do I have to wear a helmet????
Sounds like head trauma to me...

The cop is trying to convince me to go - to no avail so far - but now he is using the meanest bribe of all... a rock. I'm not budging... yet.


Note to Self:
I mean the bright, shiny kind of rock, not the blunt, death-y kind.

12 comments:

thevinylvillage said...

if it makes you feel any better...and I doubt it does...

Ive gone many times...the guides are excellent and know where to hit the rapids to minimize your chances of tipping out. Ive been on Class III Class IV and Class V rivers, and NEVER fallen out of the boat.

And the kinda rock he is talkin about is way scarier to most men than the kinda rock you're afraid of. Just sayin'

SarahM said...

um..
i share your fear. so tell him he can give u the shiny rock on dry land :P

the Grit said...

Hi MJ,

I went once and don't recommend it. We paid good money for the trip and it was extremely disappointing to find out we were expected to paddle. That's too much like the bus driver wanting the passengers to get out and push.

the Grit

colbymarshall said...

AGGGGGGHHHHH Don't do it! It terrifies me, too. Nothing good can come of this, I'm certain of it!!!!

livininsanity said...

I thought he was bribing you with the rock found on the river bottom, that you would be likely to hit your head on if you go whitewater rafting.

I've actually never been and I want to go at some point.

MJ said...

VV - Thanks for the encouraging words. Too bad the other commenters don't share your sentiment - LOL.

SM - Exactly. I'll even mountain climb! Just no water...

Grit - Well, I would expect the manual labor, but it is a drawback for me - you know, besides the untimely death thing.

CM - Agreed!

Livin - You're crazy. My butt is staying on good ol' land.

K Trainor said...

Really? Ooooh I'd do it in a heartbeat! White water rafting isn't as scary as...oh, say CHICKENS, you know.

MJ said...

K - Chickens may be scarier to you, but a watery grave is scarier to me. All those years of dance and soccer would allow me the flexibility to punt evil chickens to the moon if needed.

Kelsee said...

I am a dare devil....but I hve to agree with you. I don't like the ocean so why would I like a raging river???? No thanks. Now a nice calm pool that I like.

Aubrey said...

I hear you loud and clear! I can't swim a stroke and have a deathly fear of water, so there's not much on this earth that would get me to go whitewater rafting.

MJ said...

Kelsee - Agreed. I'm not a big fan of the ocean either. I don't mind it as long as I can kind of see to the bottom, and I'm not in water over my head... but yeah, gimme a nice pool any day.

Aubrey - I'm actually a pretty good swimmer, but I'm still not going.

meme said...

I understand your fear. I can;t swim (big brother used to try to drown me).

I have a deathly fear of drowning because a friend threw me into a pool in high school. Thank God I was a chunker and he tackled me in, because he had to drag me out.

I can still relive those minutes -- I could see the sky, reach for it..and nothing... absolute terror.

I have to swallow the fear when I take my kids to water parks, but we stick to the kiddie rides.