Friday, July 18, 2008

Note to Idiots

I occurred to me just now that I hadn't done my weekly Note to Idiots this week.

You guys gotta remind me to do this stuff! Gah.

Dear neighbors who give out the gate codes to all friends/family/acquaintances/strangers,

I will do my best to always pretend I like you when I see you, even though you're probably the same person whose dog takes monstrous craps in front of my building and you don't even pretend to pick them up. I will not, however, pretend to like all those people who are taking up all my precious sunshine space at the pool. I don't like them, and I don't like their kids. They are all messy, and they don't obey the pool rules. They turn the music system all the way up and then don't turn it off at the end of the day. So I'm pretty much rockin' to Z93.7 twenty-four hours a day, since I can hear it IN MY APARTMENT.

One or two friends coming in, no big deal. But it seems like you are having a frickin' hillbilly reunion every weekend, and your relatives have never seen a pool before in their life. Please keep your hospitable pool invitations to a minimum, for the sake of all the other residents. This is not your pool, this is OUR pool.

When I find out who you are, I will make sure to lovingly return your dog's poop to you.

God bless,
MJ

Note to Self: The next time I go to the pool and there are a bunch of non-residents, I'm buying a sniper rifle and making friends with the maintenance guy.

15 comments:

Girly said...

OMG! I am laughing so hard right now!! That was great!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Why do people have to be SO RUDE?!?!?!?!? GAH!!!! You got me all upset just reading this. And I love the thought of "monstrous crap".

Say, I saw a link from policemanswives.com to my blog, but I can't get to the page that may have linked to Nanny Goats. Was that you by any chance?

livininsanity said...

nanny goats in panties are you any relation to spittin' out words like a llama?

MJ said...

Girly - Glad I could give you a chuckle.

NGIP - I know right??? Um, yes. The link was posted in a message to one of the ladies on policewivesonline.com, but you wouldn't be able to get to it since you're not a member. Thanks for dropping by!

Livin - I don't think she is, but maybe it's one of those doppleganger things going on...

thevinylvillage said...

This burns me up so bad!! The people in my neighborhood do the same thing. One woman gave the codes to her kids daycare and told them it was fine to bring the whole damn daycare center!!

pure evyl said...

Happy sniping. If you get a crapping dog and it's inconsiderate owner that should score extra.

Swinging Johnson said...

If you are sharing a public urinal, excuse me, pool with your neighbors, it strikes me as a bit peculiar you would be offended by feces of any kind, anywhere. I am certain their weekly "hillbilly" reunion only serves as an upgrade to the trailer park you reside.

Spencer Worthington III

colbymarshall said...

Or, for even more impact, why don't YOU go poop in their yard? I think you'd really make a point...

MJ said...

VV - I'm glad I'm not th only one tortured by awful neighbors then.

PE - No kidding.

Mr. Weiner III - I sure am paying high rent for my gated trailer park. Pet peeve #357, people who write retarded comments on my posts, but don't leave any contact info. You'll be the subject of by note next week. Pansy.

CM - Good point.

Peter Parkour said...

I say you give one of the kids from the daycare a dollar to follow the dog person around, pick up any turds left behind and deposit said turds on dog person's front door step.

As for Mr.Weiner III, yeah, what a jackass.

MJ said...

PP - What an awesome idea! That would clean up the grass AND curb childhood obesity! I'll write up a business plan tonight...

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

livininsaniy: Nanny Goats In Panties' people are calling Spittin' Like a Llama's people so our blogs can do lunch. We just met today, thanks to this here comment section...

mistermanly said...

Hi mj,

My gate code is 12 gage, and I'm quite happy to share it with anyone who wants to know :)

Mister Manly

K Trainor said...

Love the Note to Self comment at the end. (Makes own note to self NOT to piss off MJ. Girl owns a sniper rifle!)

MJ said...

NGIP - Spittin is a personal friend. She's crazy, but you'll probably enjoy her musings.

MM - Marry me? ; )

K - I don't own it yet, but I will if the pissing off continues.