Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Cop Craziness

Having your significant other work in law enforcement means that whenever they are uniform, you will inevitably be stared at. It also means you will be asked stupid questions, but that's a whole different post. It can be hard to get used to being practically stalked by so many people, but eventually you learn how to cope with the constant scrutiny.

So for your entertainment, I give you:

The Top 10 Fun Ways to Screw with Nosy Onlookers

(10) Put on an heir of arrogance, walk way ahead of him, and let people know that, yes, you are important enough to have your own police escort.

(9) Push him, screaming "And what do you think you're going to do about it pig!?"

(8) Have a really loud and heated argument about what kind of donuts are the best.

(7) If he goes to open a car door for you, say "Aren't you going to handcuff me and read me my rights first?"

(6) If he is separated from you, say on another aisle in the grocery store, walk straight up to him while people are watching and say, "You have the right to remain sexy." Pat his butt and walk away.

(5) Two words: "police brutality."

(4) Pretend to bribe him with something random, like homemade chocolate chip cookies.

(3) If he has a K-9 (and it's safe), make the most obvious and girliest kissy faces imaginable at the dog. Continually rub it's face and call it Fluffy. For example "Ooo, yoor such a good wittle attack doggie, Fluffy. Aren't yoooo? Yes yoo aare! Yes yoo are!"

(2) Run up to him randomly yelling "I can't take it anymore!" Stick your hands out in front of you and say "Go ahead, take me away!" Be as dramatic about it as possible.

and the number one way...

(1) If he disagrees with you on something, loudly remind him that the gun you carry is bigger than his.

Note to Self: You tell me which ones of these I have and haven't done.


Aubrey said...

Hey, MJ, thanks for that nice comment a few days ago! I would LOVE to use any/all of these with the LT sometime. THEY ARE GREAT!

pure evyl said...

Great post!!! Love #6.

MJ said...

Aubrey - You're on my "list," so as long as you keep blogging, I'll keep commenting. And once I get unlazy, you'll make it to the blogroll!

Evyl - Thanks for stopping by. I will be visiting you soon!

livininsanity said...

You need to do all of them at some point. I've done at least one of those.