Day of Peaceful Worship Not Peaceful Enough

The Malarky Times
Chicago, IL - March 23, 2008

On Sunday morning, six brave protesters stood up in the Holy Name Cathedral during Easter Mass to protest the war in Iraq. The three men and three women stood up and began spraying themselves and anyone else within close range with fake blood as a plea for peace.

What happened next was unimaginable: The protesters were removed from the cathedral and arrested for destruction of property and simple battery. Don't these people understand that the peaceful worship of Easter Sunday is not peaceful enough?

After the scuffle, one of the protesters was heard yelling "We have to reach these people! I mean, it's very obvious by there peaceful worship that they are for the war in Iraq! Didn't you see how the sight of us spraying each other with blood bothered them so much? That's a definite sign that they are for the killing and eating of babies, especially Iraqi babies!"

"I am totally against the killing and eating of babies in Iraq," said another. "We should stop supporting a fascist dictator like Bush who is against the subjugation of women in Iraq, which is none of our business. I mean, women wouldn't be second class citizens if they would stop running in front of groups of men throwing rocks."

A third stated, "My cousin has seen Bush eat a baby before. I heard he likes to kick puppies and make fun of retarded kids too."

While a fourth shouted, "BUSHISAFUGNUT BUSHITLER BUSHITLER BUSHITLER BLARGH BLAH BRAM AUUUUUGH!!!!!!"

And I mean, how dare the Cardinal continue to preach his not-peaceful-enough message of Jesus after that. HOW DARE HE.

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Well that's what I would have written anyway. The sad part is that these kids obviously are just screaming for attention. Who chooses a church as a venue for a peace protest? Especially one involving fake blood. Personally, I think it makes protesters look worse than they already did. I'm sure there are some Code Pink-ers out there who think it is just a glorious show of courage. Yes, I'm sure it was difficult standing up during a random church service to prove to everyone how absolutely frickin' crazy you are.

According to the Catholic Schoolgirls Against the War (yes, that's really what they call themselves... yes, there were three guys in the group), they were simply trying to raise awareness. I imagine some guy in the church going "Oh, there's a war going on? I had no idea."

I'm surprised no one knocked them out with one of those heavy pew bibles. As forgiving as Christ calls us to be, I still would have had to fight the urge to stab one of them in the eye with a crucifix.

For some more commentary on this event, check out the IMAO version of the story.
Or read some hippie-knocking over at Hot Air.
And for the boring real story: The Illinois BND.

Note to Self: Apparently it is OK for human decency to go out the window when you are raising awareness for something people are already aware of.